Even if you are involved in a seemingly perfect relationship, you will experience a disagreement from time to time. While some couples tend to argue more than others, it doesn’t mean that all hope is lost. In order to help hold things together, you should keep these tips in mind the next time you and your significant other are not on the same page.
- Don’t Act Like Nothing Happened
Acting as if nothing ever happened is not a good idea. While sweeping the problem under the rug shows that your partner may be satisfied with how things were left, the two of you also need to make a clear effort to reconnect in order to have a successful outcome.
According to Lesli M.W. Doares, a marriage consultant and a coach who has a private practice in Cary, NC, “Sharing what you have learned after a fight can help repair the damage.” There is always going to be some damage left over, no matter how good things ended. If you don’t let your partner known that you have some resentment, holding all that back could cause some explosive arguments in the future.
Be sure to pick your battles and decide on what issues require further discussion and what can be let go. “The important things you ignore are the things that manifest into larger issues.” Relationship expert Andrea Smith, the author of “He’s Just Not Your Type (And That’s a Good Thing)” says.
- Don’t Share Details with Others
While it is normal to want some sort of validation for how your feel from your best friend, mom or sister but your fight between you and your partner shouldn’t be made available to the public. “This can be really damaging to the trust your partner has for you,” says Marni Feuerman, who is a licensed psychotherapist for a private practice in Boca Raton, FL. Remember that once you put something out there on a public forum such as Facebook, you can’t take it back. Even if you do delete it, there will usually be at least one person who managed to see it.
Plus, people will likely judge your relationship and not for the better. “Unlike you, all they have are the ‘facts’ that you presented, which makes it harder for them to forgive and forget” says Laurel House, a dating and empowerment coach on E!’s Famously Single. Instead, you should keep the details of your fight to yourself. If you really need to get your frustration out, speak with a trusted person who knows both of you well enough to provide you with honest advice.
- Don’t Let Too Much Time Pass Before You Resolve Things
The longer that you wait to make up, the angrier you will feel. Don’t let that anger grow over time. “Unresolved anger and hurt feelings can grow if they’re not worked out in a timely manner.” Says Antonia Hall, MA, a psychologist relationship expert and the author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life and the harder it will be to overcome your argument. “By letting time slip by, you’re going to lengthen the disagreement and continue to suffer from the stress associated with it.” According to Stacy Laura Lloyd, a health and relationships writer and the co-author of Is Your Job Making You Fat? How to Lose the Office 15…and More! “In addition, with the passage of time, it’s more difficult to recall and agree upon the exact factors that caused the conflict in the first place, making it even tougher to resolve.”
- Don’t Be Stubborn & Not Accept Their Apology
You shouldn’t hold on to anger and refuse his apology if he is offering you a genuine and sincere apology. Accept it, otherwise you will hold on to those negative sentiments longer than you should have. Forgiveness is a great practice in any type of relationship and it helps you to remember that no one is perfect. If you still feel angry or upset over what was said, refusing to accept the apology will not make the situation any better. You are just continuing to punish your partner and showing that no matter what they do or say, it is not going to be good enough for you. This could be a sign of a much deeper issue. “Relationships aren’t about having a winner and a loser, You’re on the same side.” Says Andrea Syrtash. “If you can’t accept his apology, figure out if you need to seek counseling or do something else that will help you restore trust and connection.”